Learning Experience
by CrimsonAccent
Summary: Carter learns the secret behind Bast's grilled cheese. Some questions should never be answered. A silly, potential crack!fic.


Hey all! Been having a writing buzz lately. This isn't dedicated to anyone in particular, just anyone that has ever had anything utterly ridiculous happen to them. Haven't done a disclaimer in a while, so here it goes: I don't own the characters, just the concept for this one-shot. This was written for personal amusement.

Learning Experience

It all started with a simple question born from the complaints of the hungry and anti-cheese faction.

"Bast! Why do you always summon grilled cheese and Friskies? People can't live off of just milk products." I groaned. She levelled me with her golden eyes, apparently offended. I'd forgotten about her sharp hearing.

She turned to my sister. "You like my sandwiches, don't you?" Her eyes gleamed. With a threat or a plea, I'm not sure. But she was definitely sending a message.

"They're brilliant."

I glared. _Traitor_. Sadie hadn't joined my regime against Bast's summoned food _(yet!), _but I think it's just because she doesn't want to offend her. Secretly, Sadie is a total softy, when it comes to our favorite pet turned cat goddess. She just shrugged and gave me an innocent look, like 'what do you expect me to do?', which was so un-Sadie. She didn't cave easily to others' demands.

Typically.

Bast dumped more sandwiches on my plate. Just looking at her gave me the impression of a smug cat that had just caught a mouse or snagged the prime sunbathing spot. If she had a tail (in this form) it would be twitching. Madly.

I knew when to pick my battles. Now was not the time. I would wait, bide my time and corner Bast later, when Sadie was practicing her magic alone in her room; resigned, I ate my food, which tasted a little better as I thought of what questions I would ask while interrogating the cat goddess.

-000-

"Spit it out."

I jumped and tried to keep the guilt off my face and failed, miserably. Two hours after lunch, Sadie had gone off to explore the library (with Amos gone, being healed at the First Nome, we were stuck teaching ourselves), which I hadn't expected, but it still worked. With soft footsteps, barely daring to breath I followed Bast through the mansion, and past rooms I never knew existed in the mansion.

My best guess was I'd stumbled into her bedroom; neither one of us knew where Bast slept (or if she even required it for that matter), but based on the look of anger on the goddess's face I wouldn't be sharing the location with Sadie. As soon as I had passed the threshold, she'd spun around and given me a harsh look making it clear she'd known I was skulking around the entire time.

I decided being straighforward was the best approach.

"I want to know the real reason you summon the same food, over and over again." Bast's eyebrows rose so high I thought they'd disappear into her hairline and I thought I'd made her even _more _mad with my ridiculous question when she burst out laughing. Bast looked like she would pass out from lack of oxygen (if that was possible for a god/goddess) and wiped a tear from her face.

Finally after she calmed down Bast sat down on the queen sized bed in the center of the room and motioned for me to do the same. I walked over across the tan carpet, feeling rather silly, and joined her on the golden sheets. I felt like I was in the desert or savanna, which I realized after a moment was probably intentional.

"Have you ever thought I simply like grilled cheese?" the goddess gave me a dazzling smile, and I knew she was lying.

"You never eat the sandwiches. That's why you summon the Friskies."

Bast dropped her amused face, now that I'd seen through her facade. "True enough. Very well Carter, have you ever thought that some people just prefer to keep their secrets to themselves?" she purred dangerously.

Secrets? How could her _grilled cheese summoning _be remotely important? "I didn't know food was so personal." I said awkwardly.

"There are many things you don't know Carter."

I studied her. Somehow I just knew she was bluffing. She didn't want to keep me in the dark because it was dangerous, she was doing it because whatever her issue about grilled cheese was, was embarrassing.

"Why don't you just teach me the spell to summoning food then?"

Her face grew uncomfortable and I thought I saw a faint tinge of pink on her cheeks before she covered it with a glamour.

"I..." she looked away, close to tears, and immediately I wished I'd never complained and started any of this in the first place.

"No, listen its-"

She rose her hand. "No, its alright Carter. The fact of the matter is...well...I can't. I've never been proficient with the element of cheese."

Ok. Wake up Carter. I looked down for my chicken-boy ba. Nope. No feathers, all human.

"This is so surreal," I muttered to myself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" I said quickly. "So um, there really is an element of cheese? What are we eating then when you summon food?"

She smiled and nodded, pleased I guess, to be explaining. "Of course!" she gave me an amused glance. "Although properly, it should be the food element. It's nickname, 'cheese' arose because that's all I seem to be able to summon." Bast scowled. "It's something of a joke in the Duat. Even in other pantheons. That Demeter woman and her cereal...!" the goddess trailed off.

I cleared my throat, not really wanting to get into Bast's history of failed food summons, "So we're just eating regular cheese?" It was actually a relief. I was worried we'd been eating something really gross or strange...

"Not quite. Its actually constructs of fire and cheese combined. I'm not like some other gods, making you eat things raw!"

She seemed so pleased with herself, proud, that I hated to break the truth to her.

I decided not to burst her bubble, but I'd be making my own meals from now on.

I figured Sadie could find out herself since she had taken Bast's side this morning. I'm sure the fire and cheese combo wouldn't kill her.

It was _cooked _after all.

-1111-

Ooh. Carter showing his evil streak there at the end. Haha this was on the verge of crack!fic the entire time. I mean like overboard, in your face parody. This is more like mildly humorous and almost semi-serious. I think. I hope it made some people literally lol or at least smile!

Words: 1,147

12/5/10


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